## THE SCOOP: **BY ERROL (HEAD OF MARKETING)**

STOP THE PRESSES! 🐾 Yesterday we were back at Greenacres, and let me tell you, it was the hottest and sunniest day of the year so far! It was easily in the high 20s on the stall—which a clever goggie calculates is about a hundred and eleventy-two degrees banana. *Che stufa!* 🔥

Most of the hoomans spent the day cooling off in the sea, which meant there weren’t many opportunities for even an ace marketeer such as yours truly to shine. But did I give up? No! I did what I could and rescued the day by making the hard sells whenever a customer wandered by. I am a professional, after all.But then… disaster struck.

Not-my-real-dad did the most shocking, unacceptable thing imaginable!!!11!!He squirted me with WATER! First off, that sprayer makes a terrifying *pfff-pfff* noise that sounds exactly like the effing tiger Alice when she tries to jump up into a cwtch that I am already comfortably occupying. And second… it’s like having a BAFF! But right in front of all the peepls!!!!!! Disgraceful.My immediate corporate instinct was to chaw the legs clean off him. But Mummy (the true Goddess) explained he was only trying to keep me cool in the blazing heat… so he is exactly 1% forgiven.

Still, a professional statement had to be made. A hound has his dignity! So, I bundled up my worldly possessions in a red and white spotted hanky, put it on a stick over my shoulder, and hit the open road. Is the world ready for a doggy Kerouac? I think yes.

In the end, my nomadic journey didn’t take me very far. Al on the woodworking stall right next to us had a vacancy for a apprentice chippie, so I blagged myself a job on the spot! I even brought my own saw.

Turns out, making stuff out of wood is incredibly hard work. I didn’t even get to lunch before I got myself a blinster!!!So, having a proper think about it while nursing my poor paw… even if not-my-real-dad is a bit of a –ing eejit, he *was* trying to do a nice thing with the water sprayer. Plus, the logistics of a permanent walkout are complicated.Leaving the firm for good isn’t really an option anyway… mostly because I wouldn’t see the Goddess Mummy anymore, and she is the absolute light of my life. With that in mind, I slunk back to base.

Accepting my position back as Head of Marketing was the right corporate move, but I still kept a very safe distance away from the eejit… you just never know when that rogue sprayer might make a comeback. Once our dramatic day on the picket line was finally over, it was time to head home. Caught up with Loki, demolished a well-earned duk onna stik, and went straight to bed.Just another day being my absolute best me.

KthxBai – Errol